Quotes

The following are a number of quotes I have come across that I found to be either touching or humorous enough for me to want to always remember them. All quotes are ordered alphabetically by author. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do, and if you have any quotes that you'd like to share, please feel free to send me an email. I will hopefully be updating this page with more quotes regularly.

• "Bachelor: A man who comes to work each morning from a different direction."
  -- Sholem Aleichem
• "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."
  -- Anonymous
• "It would be nice if the poor got a fifth of the money we spend studying them."
  -- Anonymous
• "Old age is when you have two temptations - and choose the one that will get you home earlier."
  -- Anonymous
• "Variations on 'I am not to blame' often come out of the mouths of politicians, but, strangely, by the time these reach the ears of listeners, they have all turned into 'I am a weasel.'"
  -- Anonymous
• "The best client is a scared millionaire."
  -- An Anonymous Lawyer
• "The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka! I've found it!' -- but 'That's funny...'."
  -- Isaac Asimov
• "When it comes to getting things done, we need fewer architects and more bricklayers."
  -- Colleen C. Barret
• "If the history of the past fifty years teaches us anything, it is that peace does not follow disarmament -- disarmament follows peace."
  -- Bernard Baruch
• "Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it."
  -- Sir Thomas Beecham to a lady cellist.
• "Every law is an infraction of liberty."
  -- Jeremy Bentham
• "The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on."
  -- Arthur Bloch
• "I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people."
  -- Ed Bluestone
• "Confession without repentance is just bragging."
  -- Reverend Eugene Bolton
• "If you look at the sun without shielding your eyes, you'll go blind. If you look at the moon without covering your eyes, you'll become a poet."
  -- Serge Bouchard
• "A successful man is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him."
  -- David Brinkley
• "A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke, or worried to death by the frown on the right person's brow."
  -- Charles Brower
• "Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive there's something wrong with him."
  -- Art Buchwald
• "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
  -- Edmund Burke
• "Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."
  -- George Burns
• "Logic is a poor guide compared with custom."
  -- Winston Churchill
• "It is really quite amazing, by what margins competent but conservative scientists and engineers can miss the mark, when they start with the preconceived idea that what they are investigating is impossible. When this happens, the most well-informed men become blinded by their prejudices and are unable to see what lies directly ahead of them."
  -- Sir Arthur Clark
• "The realization that our small planet is only one of many worlds gives mankind the perspective it needs to realize sooner that our own world belongs to all of its creatures, that the moon landing marks the end of our childhood as a race and the beginning of a newer and better civilization."
  -- Arthur C. Clarke
• "Necessity hath no law."
  -- Oliver Cromwell
• "Reality is that which, after you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
  -- Philip K. Dick
• "It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter."
  -- Marlene Dietrich
• "Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do, you apologize for the truth."
  -- Benjamin Disraeli
• "When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken."
  -- Benjamin Disraeli
• "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
  -- Albert Einstein
• "The difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits."
  -- Albert Einstein
• "It is never too late to be what you might have been."
  -- George Eliot
• "You know you've achieved perfection in design, not when you have nothing more to add, but when you have nothing more to take away."
  -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• "It says something about our times that we rarely use the word sinful, except to describe a really good dessert."
  -- Willard P. Ferrell
• "You may regret your silence once, but you will regret your words often."
  -- Adapted from Ibn Gabirol
• "One might define adulthood as the age at which a person learns he must die...and accepts his sentence undismayed."
  -- Robert Heinlein
• "Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something."
  -- Robert Heinlein
• "A women's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often."
  -- Oliver Herford
• "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."
  -- Aldous Huxley
• "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
  -- Martin Luther King Jr.
• "The past is prophetic in that it asserts loudly that wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows."
  -- Martin Luther King Jr.
• "Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation."
  -- Henry Kissinger
• "I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying."
  -- Nelson Mandela
• "Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey!"
  -- Fitzhugh Mllan
• "Integrity is the ability to stand by an idea."
  -- Ayn Rand
• "The truly free man is the one who will turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse."
  -- Jules Renard
• "What a man is contributes much more to his happiness than what he has, or how he is regarded by others."
  -- Arthur Schopenhauer
• "Reverence for life is the ethic of love expanded to embrace the universe."
  -- Albert Schweitzer
• "Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places, you’re off and away! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose."
  -- Dr. Seuss
• "Things are worth, what they are worth, to the individual that wants them."
  -- Patrick Stewart
• "Our passions are like travelers: At first they make a brief stay; then they are like guests who visit often; and then they turn into tyrants who hold us in their power."
  -- Talmud
• "If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance."
  -- Mark Twain
• "The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up."
  -- Mark Twain
• "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
  -- Mark Twain
• "A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer."
  -- Author Unknown
• "According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars."
  -- Author Unknown
• "Courage is nothing more than fear that has said it's prayers."
  -- Author Unknown
• "How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on!"
  -- Author Unknown
• "I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider."
  -- Author Unknown
• "In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: Magic and bullshit."
  -- Author Unknown
• "In the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
  -- Author Unknown
• "Junk is something you've kept for years and thrown away three weeks before you need it."
  -- Author Unknown
• "Just when you think you've finally hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel."
  -- Author Unknown
• "Life is all about ass: You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one."
  -- Author Unknown
• "Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying."
  -- Author Unknown
• "The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose."
  -- Author Unknown
• "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance."
  -- Author Unknown
• "The real difference between a cook and a chef centers around who cleans the kitchen."
  -- Author Unknown
• "The strangest mystery of all is a woman's bladder. X-rays prove that the female bladder is proportional to the woman's size, yet they always have to pee. Driving in a car seems to irritate the problem. It also irritates the guy she's driving with. The big question is: How is it that women pee every 10 to 15 minutes; yet they are always retaining water?"
  -- Author Unknown
• "Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."
  -- Author Unknown
• "An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."
  -- Edgar Wallace
• "With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."
  -- Steven Weinberg
• "Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."
  -- H.G. Wells
• "Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess."
  -- Oscar Wilde
• "The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast."
  -- Oscar Wilde
• "It's hard to remember that this day will never come again. That the time is now and the place is here and that there are no second chances at a single moment."
  -- Jeannette Winterson
• "My lawyer is the truth!!"
  -- Bo Zaks